This will be final post about my friend J.E. Tabor's second novel (draft), the Order of the Skull. This is the first time I've really gone through a book, picking it apart and deciding what I like and what I don't. Normally I read books to be entertained, to enjoy the story, not to exercise my incredible powers of negativity to drain all enjoyment out of the printed word. Fortunately, Tabor doesn't really mind it all that much: our friendship began in the fires of adversity (Freshman Theology), and can weather my blog posts. :)
First of all, I enjoyed it. I think it was better than his first book, One Man's Freedom Fighters. In truth, it's probably not as marketable, since the genre he picked is fairly unusual. Not that Tabor stays particularly close to his chosen genre though; I think Tabor's familiarity with pulp is generally limited to Indiana Jones, Sky Captain, and Spirit of the Century. I'm fairly certain that he could rewrite it to take place in present day without too many difficulties, other than losing his enjoyable historical references and the nods to the social attitudes (i.e. racism) of the day.
His characters need fleshing out. There's some nods to depth and backstory, but there doesn't seem to be a lot direct or indirect importance to them, other than the knowledge that Hawkins can shoot like a million people a second with a revolver. Carson and Calloway have potential to have their backstories more fully explored, and perhaps tied to the events of the novel in some way. Emily Carson also starts off as a capable, self-assured young woman before fading into a hostage and love interest. Sister Cecilia doesn't do much of anything, really, other than provide convenient info, and dump acid on someone (always a fun party trick).
Speaking of characters, they lack motivation. They end up getting involved because of some vision quest and vague feeling about the end of the world, driving them to pursue a dangerous secret society across the country. They seem to act almost solely because THE PLOT DEMANDS IT. And they still feel inherently reactive, almost more like the protagonist of a video game than a novel. They might want to stop the bad guy, but they pick up the quest from the Native American shaman with an exclamation point over his head.
The bad guys feel kind of weak, a little generic and poorly-formed. Eigenstulf, while having a great name, has only the motivation of wanting to end the world because the Great War was hell. Yet there's no passion there when he speaks, nothing to make me believe that he's anything other than an antagonist to be killed. And as I mentioned, the Seven Deadly Sins of the Order are kind of weak for a bunch of guys who sold their souls and practice black magic. And the fight scene between Hawkins and the Sins is so sad it should be ashamed of itself (I'd expect six ordinary guys to put up more of a fight against Clint Eastwood in a Western).
One idea I had is that maybe the protagonists should be the ones with the skull, and the bad guys are trying to recover it. And give them each one goal they want to accomplish. Maybe Carson is investigating the deaths of her parents or something. Perhaps Calloway already knows something about the Order and wants to stop them. Hell, maybe he was a member before it all got too dark and crazy. Something like that.
Also: make things more awesome. Turn the dial up to eleven. Don't just have the good guys and bad guys pass through town. Have them change the whole fucking city. Make the disease in Saint Louis directly the work of the Order. Don't have a fight in between train cars, where ordinary people might fight...bring the action on top of the cars, or under, or clinging from side to side. Defenestrate the bad guys with well-placed kicks. If Hawkins is some kind of magician with a gun, maybe Carson is good enough to race her automobile professionally. Maybe Calloway isn't just a bad cheat and worse liar, but a true Magnificent Bastard sidekick. This wouldn't work if Tabor had picked a different genre, of course, but if you've decided to write a pulp adventure story, why not make it over-the-top?
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